


Where We Belong

by nawrry



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, M/M, Mention of Larry, mentions of self harm/depression, so it could be triggering, wow it's so bad i'm sorry, ziall
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-28
Updated: 2013-12-28
Packaged: 2018-01-06 09:42:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,856
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1105306
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nawrry/pseuds/nawrry
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Zayn and Niall meet in the hospital after Zayn's motorcycle accident and Niall's attempted suicide. They sort of heal each other and what not. Some triggering stuff in here, if that affects any of you.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Where We Belong

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first Ziall fic I've ever written, also it's different than most of my other stuff so I hope it's not too awful.

Zayn can feel the pain before he wakes up, the entire left side of his body feeling as though it's on fire, his right side laying limp and weak. He lifts his left hand up to scratch at his face, discovering a clunky cast covering his forearm. He doesn't remember much, just the feeling of his motorcycle skidding out from underneath him, the sound of his friends' footsteps running towards him after he was thrown from it. His eyes finally blink open, a harsh light from above almost blinding him until it's blocked by his mother leaning over him. He's not surprised that she's a complete mess, sobbing over him like it was the last thing she would do.

"Relax mom, I'm fine," Zayn scoffs. "I'm not dead."

"I know, I know," she sniffs. "But it could be so much worse, darling." Zayn sighs and tries not to roll his eyes. He knows he's lucky things aren't worse, that a minor concussion, a broken wrist, and some scrapes and bruises were a much better price to pay than what could have happened, but he also knows it won't stop him from riding again. 

"You'll need to start being more careful," his mother continues. "The girls were terrified when they heard." Zayn finally feels a pang of guilt when he thinks of his sisters, who must be at school right now. "They'll be by later to visit, I know they'll be excited." Zayn nods, looking forward to seeing the people that are most important to him. He listens to his mother's worried rambling for a bit longer before his attention is diverted when he rolls his head to the left.

There's a bed next to his, separated by a privacy curtain that's pulled back. In the bed is a boy with blonde hair plastered to his forehead and pale skin, dark circles under his closed eyes. He's small and skinny, but he looks to be about Zayn's age. Zayn wonders what the boy is in for, he can't see any casts or bandages on the boy.

"They wouldn't give you a single room," his mother explains. "But I haven't heard anything from him, he's been asleep. I haven't seen anyone come and visit him either." Zayn looks over at the boy again and feels a pang of sadness. The boy suddenly looks scared and alone and somehow even smaller. 

"Anyways, the doctors want you to stay for at least one more night," she explains. "I'm so sorry I have to go to work for a bit, but I'll be back with the girls in a few hours, alright?"

"Alright," Zayn shrugs. A nurse had just brought him some more pain meds and he can already feel the drowsiness setting in. His mom kisses his forehead and says goodbye again before leaving. He watches as she leaves beore his eyes fall on the sleeping boy next to him. His vision begins to go blurry, but he swears he catches a glimpse of shocking blue eyes staring back at him before he dozes off.

*****

"Wake him up."

"No, you."

"What if we're not supposed to wake him up?"

"Then what are we supposed to do, just watch him sleep?"

"Wake him up, Louis." 

Zayn opens his eyes before Louis can wake him up, which he assumes would involve a lot of uncomfortable touching.

"Oh, you're up!" Louis chirps, grinning and leaning in to smack a kiss to Zayn's forehead.

"Hey, Lou," Zayn murmurs as Louis pets his hair affectionately. "Harry, get your boyfriend off of me." Harry laughs and pulls Louis back, running his own hand through Zayn's messy hair.

"How are you feeling?" Liam asks. Zayn sighs and rests his head on his pillow, looking up at his best friends.

"Oh you know, like I was in a motorcycle accident yesterday."

"Sorry about that, bud," Louis murmurs.

"Not your fault," Zayn shrugs. 

"We brought you something," Harry says, reaching behind him. "We wanted to get you flowers, but we didn't know where to get flowers and we were really hungry, so instead we got a pizza. Want a slice?"

"Oh my god, yes, I haven't had any real food all day. Just crappy hospital stuff." Zayn gratefully accepts a slice from Harry, finishing the piece in less than five bites." Liam swallows the bite in his mouth and gestures to the boy in the other bed.

"Think he wants any?" 

Zayn turns his head. "He's asleep. Or at least I think he is, I don't know."

"He looks familiar, doesn't he?" Louis asks. Zayn squints his eyes and tires to recognize the boy. 

"I don't know. If he wakes up anytime I'll ask him."

The boys stick around for another hour, watching a daytime soap opera and making plans for what they'll do after Zayn is released. Louis wants to throw a giant party, Harry goes along with him like he always does, and Liam tries to argue against it but is quickly overthrown by Louis. They leave when the rest of Zayn's family arrives, bearing more traditional gifts for him than pizza. Zayn is relieved to see his sisters, even though it means suffering through another lecture by his parents about being "responsible". His family leaves after dinnertime, promising they'll be back again tomorrow. Zayn grabs the remote to turn on the TV when he hears a muffled cough from the other boy in the room. He turns toward the blonde to find his eyes open, staring up at the TV he was about to turn on.

"Oh, hey, you're up. Do you care what we watch?" Zayn asks. "I've been hogging it all day." The boy shakes his head but doesn't say anything. "Alright," Zayn mutters. He flips to a football game, pleased with himself when it looks like the boy takes some interest in it.

"So what are you in for?" Zayn asks. The boy is silent again, looking down at his hands.

"It was an accident," the boy mutters. Zayn catches a hint of a different accent than his own, something intriguing.

"Yeah, mine was too," Zayn says. "A motorcyle accent, to be exact. It looks like you got out okay, though. Better than me." The boy doesn't say anything. Zayn inspects the side of the boy's face, the curve of his nose and the pout in his lips. He looks fragile.

"I'm Zayn, by the way." 

"Niall," the blonde mutters a beat later.

"So Niall, are you in high school?" Zayn asks. "I'm a senior, I'm graduating in a month, thank god." Zayn looks over at Niall, who's staring back at him blankly. "Do you not want to talk or something because you're giving me nothing here. I'm just trying to be nice."

"We go to the same school," Niall mutters. "We have for four years now." Zayn feels his stomach drop, he sort of wishes he could disappear right then. He wouldn't care in any other circumstance, but there's something about Niall's empty blue eyes staring back at him that makes him feel like dirt.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I guess that's why my friend Louis said you look familiar." 

"It's okay, I'm sort of invisible," Niall says. Zayn wants to say that he doesn't believe him, that he's sure if he saw Niall before he wouldn't forget him, but he bites his lip.

"You're not invisible," he says instead. "It's a big school." Niall looks away.

"Not just at school," he mutters.

"What do you mean?"

"Have you seen anyone come to visit me while I've been here? My parents found me, brought me in, and haven't been back. I'm invisible to them."

"What do you mean they found you?" Zayn asks.

Niall is quiet for a minute, glancing up at the football game both boys have forgotten about. "They found me trying to kill myself," he finally mutters. Zayn blinks back at him, too schocked to say anything. He doesn't want to think about Niall hurting himself, this boy he just met but already cares for, because it's so obvious Niall needs someone like that. Niall holds up his hands, showing his bandaged wrists to Zayn. He hadn't noticed them earlier.

"Why?" Zayn asks. "I mean, you don't have to tell me, I'm sorry."

"It's okay. Just the whole invisible thing I guess." Niall's eyes close again, when they open they look glassy. "Can we talk about something else?" He asks, his voice shaky.

"Yeah, of course," Zayn nods. "I think we went pretty deep for having just met each other." Niall cracks a smile, a small smirk that makes Zayn feel lighter for some reason. The boys' attention drifts back to the television.

 "Are you going to uni next year?" Niall asks a few minutes later. Zayn notices it's the first time he's spoken to him unprompted, and it makes him feel trusted.

"No way, it's not for me," Zayn replies. "A guy I know has offered me an apprenticeship-type thing at his tattoo parlor. I like to draw and stuff, and I've designed most of mine, so I figured I'd take it."

"How many tattoos do you have?" Niall asks. He looks at Zayn shyly, like he's unsure if he should be talking to him. Zayn holds up his right arm, showing off the sleeve of tattoos covering his skin. Niall stares back in slight amazement, his lips parted and his eyes drinking in the colors and designs. Zayn can feel heat growing in his face under Niall's gaze.

"And there are some more on my shoulders and stuff," Zayn mutters, flushing more at the thought of showing those to Niall. He's not sure if he should be feeling this way for the boy, obviously Niall's been hurt and he doesn't want to take advantage of him, but there's nothing wrong with wanting to protect him, right?

"Those are nice," Niall says a moment later. "I don't have any."

"I could give you one, one day," Zayn muses, even though he doesn't see Niall as the tattoo type. Maybe the boy has some surprises.

"Yeah, maybe," Niall chuckles softly. 

"Are you going to uni?" Zayn asks.

"I was planning on it," Niall says, looking down at his wrists. "But I don't know anymore. I don't know what I want to do."

"You should still go," Zayn says. "You seem smart, you can do whatever you want." Niall looks away, at the television.

"I like music," he says. "It's kind of the one thing that doesn't make me feel invisible." 

Zayn nods, understanding what Niall means. He attempts to sit up a bit, but the sharp pain that shoots through his left side makes him stop.

"Are you in pain?" Niall asks, looking over at Zayn with worry.

"Yeah, a bit. Might need some more pain meds pretty soon." He reaches for the button to signal the nurse.

"You were in a motorcycle accident?" Niall asks.

"Yeah. I was driving too fast, I think my friends dared me to do something stupid, I can't really remember."

"That sounds stupid," Niall replies. Zayn gives him a wry smile.

"I remember thinking I didn't have anything to lose, I guess. I see how stupid that is now. I have a family and friends and all of these people I could have let down, you know? It was stupid." He looks over at Niall and immediately regrets what he said. Niall's staring back at him with those big, doe-like blue eyes, his expression resigned.

"Yeah," he mumbles, looking forward again.

"I'm sorry, Niall," he says. "Really, I didn't mean it-" he stops when Niall continues to ignore him. A moment later the nurse comes in and checks on the boys, giving Zayn his medication. Zayn looks over at Niall before taking the pill, hoping there would be something he could say to the boy. Niall has his eyes shut though, so Zayn swallows the pill and goes to sleep.

*****

Zayn wakes to the sound of voices, low murmurs coming from the other side of the room. It's early, the sun just starting to peek through the dingy blinds in the hospital room. Two people are standing over Niall, a short blonde woman and a taller man who doesn't look much older than Niall. His mother and brother, Zayn figures. The two are watching over him as he sleeps, their expressions solemn. Niall's mother has tears in her eyes, she bends over and presses a kiss to Niall's forehead, murmuring something to the sleeping boy that Zayn can't hear. He pretends to be asleep when a nurse comes in and explains to the two that they want to keep Niall for one more night, just to watch for any complications with the blood transfusion they had to give him. Zayn's stomach lurches at the thought of it. The two stay for another minute before leaving, Zayn hears Niall's mother say something about work and coming back later. He hopes he sees Niall's family again, just for Niall's sake. The boy deserves some love. 

Zayn sighs and looks down at his cast, picking at the itchy skin underneath it and discovering he really has to use the restroom. It takes him about five minutes to swing his legs over the side of his bed and stand up, but eventually he makes his way to the bathroom, wincing with every step. It also proves difficult to get the job done with his cast. 

Niall is still asleep when Zayn emerges from the bathroom, his head tilted to the right and his hands folded. He looks peaceful, Zayn decides, almost childlike. Zayn stops beside Niall's bed, holding his breath for an unknown reason as he looks down at the blonde. The circles under Niall's eyes look lighter, he looks a little fuller, more healthy. Zayn can't help but lift his hand and gently run his hand through Niall's soft blonde hair, letting his fingers travel down to trace under Niall's eyes, keeping his touch feather-light as he touches the undersides of Niall's wrists, where the bandages are. He still doesn't know why Niall would do what he did to himself, what could have been so bad that death was his only answer. It scares him to know, but he wants Niall to tell him, he wants to make it better.

Niall stirs, letting out a soft moan, something that almost sounds like a purr. Zayn grins, letting himself enjoy the light, warm feeling he gets around Niall, there's something undeniable about what he feels for the blonde. Zayn carries himself away from Niall, carefully lowering himself back into his bed and waiting for Niall to wake up. It doesn't take long for him to wake up, and Zayn can't look away as the drowsy boy looks over at him. Zayn realizes it's something so intimate and precious, watching someone wake up, being the first thing they see in the morning. It's something Zayn wants for the rest of his life, just to see if he could ever get used to it.

"Good morning," Zayn grins. Niall hums something back in response.

The blonde reaches up and rubs his eyes. "Did you sleep well?" He asks.

"Yeah, those pain meds really do the trick. I should see if they'll let me take some home."

"Let me have some if they do," Niall says, a hint of a smirk playing at his lips. Zayn hopes this means he's forgiven for what he said last night. He notices Niall glancing around the room, looking for something he doesn't find.

"Your family was here earlier," Zayn says softly. Niall looks back at him, confused. "They left probably twenty minutes ago. I think your mom said she had to work."

"Of course," Niall mutters. "That's all she does. My dad does too." Zayn takes a breath, watching Niall as he avoids his stare.

"They love you," Zayn tells him. "I could see it when they were here. They're worried about you."

 Niall sighs, fiddling with the blanket on his lap. "I know they do. It just doesn't feel like enough sometimes. My parents have worked my entire life, I don't know either of them that well and now they're getting a divorce and I feel so abandoned. Like I've never been enough. Like it wouldn't matter if I was gone." Niall stops when his voice begins to waver, his eyes brimming with tears. 

"Oh god, Niall, it's okay," Zayn gasps, ignoring the pain as he launches himself from his bed to Niall, kneeling next to the smaller boy. "Niall, look at me," he coos, gently pushing back the blonde's hair. "You're enough. You're so much more than enough, you're smart and you're kind and you deserve so much more." Niall sniffs, letting his gaze venture up to meet Zayn's for a moment.

"You have nice eyes," Niall breathes. Zayn feels his breath on his lips, and even though it was sort of a random thing for Niall to say, it fills him with warmth anyway.

"So do you," Zayn grins. "Want to go for a walk?"

"A walk?"

"Yeah, just a little trip around the halls? It'll be nice to get out, right?" Zayn shrugs.

Niall frowns, glancing at the hallway. "Can we do that?" Zayn chuckles and fights the urge to press a kiss to the crease between Niall's eyes.

"We'll ask the nurse. Just use that Irish charm on her, she won't be able to resist." He feels like he's won the lottery when Niall grins. 

"Don't think I have much of that left, but we can try," Niall relents. 

The boys easily convince the nurse to let them take a short walk around the hospital, promising her if they feel dizzy or lightheaded they would immediately call for help. They walk slowly down the hall, avoiding other patients and visitors walking past them. Neither of them look into the rooms they pass by, after two days spent in their own room they know how annoying it is when nosy people walk past. Eventually they find themselves in the maternity ward of the hospital, standing in front of the nursery and looking at the newborns. Niall admits that he likes babies, a fact that sends Zayn's imagination running wild until he's called back to reality.

"So when are you getting out of here?" Niall asks.

"I think today," Zayn replies. "Once my parents are off work to come get me."

"Do they work a lot?" Niall asks.

Zayn nods. "Yeah, they kind of have to. I've got four sisters." Niall lets out a low whistle in amazement. "Yeah," Zayn chuckles. "It's okay, I'd rather they take care of the girls than me, I don't really need it."

"Everyone needs someone to take care of them," Niall says, his eyes lingering on Zayn's. Zayn can hear his heartbeat in his ears. "That's sort of what we've been doing for the last couple days, right?"

"Right," Zayn breathes. The two boys decide to head back to their room, their arms brushing the whole way back. 

When they get back to the room, Zayn finds his parents waiting for him, standing by his bed with the doctor.

"There you are," his mother grins, her gaze switching back and forth between Zayn and Niall. "Doctor Jacobs said you can come home today if you feel well enough." All Zayn can muster up is a quiet "oh". He can almost feel Niall stiffen up next to him. He offers a quick glance at Niall, who's staring down at the floor.

"I, um, I don't think I'm feeling so well, actually," Zayn stammers. "I'm kind of lightheaded. Maybe we shouldn't have gone on a walk." 

"Come sit down, sweetie," his mother fusses, patting his bed until he sits down. The nurse begins to take his pulse.

"We'll keep him one more night, just to be safe," the doctor says. "A little lightheadedness is normal after a concussion. Take it easy tonight, okay?" Zayn nods, relieved when the doctor and nurse leave without anymore questions. His parents stay for a bit longer, talking about their days and almost making Zayn miss home if it wasn't for the boy in the bed next to his. He introduces Niall to them, they give him a polite hello.

"Niall and I have been keeping each other company," Zayn explains. He catches Niall blushing out of the corner of his eye.

"That's nice," his mom grins. "We should get going, but we'll see you tomorrow."

"Can't wait for you to get home, son," his father adds. "Rest up."

"Nice meeting you," Niall says as his parents pass by his bed. Zayn turns towards the blonde and gives him a grin.

"You're a liar," Niall chuckles.

Zayn shrugs. "We're here to take care of each other, right?"

*****

It's late at night, or early in the morning, when Zayn opens his eyes, woken by the sound of mumbling coming from Niall. He looks over at the other boy to find that his eyes are closed, his brow furrowed as he moans something in his sleep, the faint light from the hallway illuminating the trails of tears on his cheeks.

"Niall?" Zayn whispers, carefully slipping from his bed and walking over to Niall's. "Niall, what's wrong?" He brushes his hand through Niall's hair, repeating the action until Niall's eyes flutter open. "It's okay, it was just a dream," he whispers.

"Zayn, I made such a mistake," Niall sniffles, raising his bandaged wrist up to brush at his tears. "I fucked up really bad, and now I've done something I can't take back and it was horrible and I feel like such a waste." Niall looks up at him with wide eyes, and Zayn doesn't hesitate to crawl into the small space next to him, being careful of his cast and Niall's damaged wrist. 

Niall is even softer than Zayn imagined, his frame small and delicate as he wraps his arms around Niall's waist. Niall rests his head on Zayn's chest, his hands resting on his stomach. It's not the most comfortable situation, cramped up in this tiny hospital bed, both boys injured, but all that Zayn can think of is how he wants to heal Niall. He wants to see Niall happy, to see more of those small glimpses of happiness he's seen from the blonde. He deserves better than the way he treats himself.

Zayn can't find any words to say at first, he lets Niall catch his breath as he lets his lips press to Niall's soft crown of blonde hair. 

"Why are you so good to me?" Niall murmurs a minute later. "You just met me, this depressed weirdo stranger, like two days ago and you haven't shut me out yet. Everyone else just shuts me out, forgets I'm here." Zayn inhales deeply, resting his cheek on Niall's head.

"I don't know," he replies honestly. "But you're not some depressed, weirdo stranger. You seem familiar, like you belong in my life somehow." Niall looks up at Zayn, his eyes still shining. "You belong here," Zayn repeats. They're closer than they've ever been, and Zayn can't deny how badly we wants to close the distance between them, how he wishes he could just kiss Niall's perfect lips and everything would be healed. But the rational side of Zayn, however small that part of him may be, warns him against it. Niall is lost and vulnerable right now, and just kissing him won't solve everything. Niall needs to know he can trust Zayn, and Zayn finds himself willing to wait for as long as Niall needs, as long as he doesn't ever have to leave him.

Niall sighs, resting his forehead on Zayn's chin. "I don't know what to do," he murmurs.

"Talk to your parents," Zayn replies. "When they come to get you tomorrow you have to talk to them, tell them everything."

"They won't listen."

"Yes they will. They love you, how could they not?"

Niall is silent. "You don't have to go through this alone, you know," Zayn continues. "You have me now, I'm gonna be here for you now no matter what."

Niall looks up at him again and he tries to control his pounding heart. "No matter what?"

"Definitely."

"Even if you find out the happier version of me is really annoying?"

Zayn chuckles, fluffing Niall's bangs. "I think I'll like every version of you." Niall grins and rests his head on Zayn's chest again, nuzzling into the fabric of Zayn's hospital gown. Again Zayn wishes this wasn't the place of their first cuddling session, he feels rather emasculated in this flimsy hospital gown. But Niall's here with him now, his breathing evening out.

"I think you should be more careful on your bike," Niall murmrs drowsily.

"Why is that?" Zayn snickers.

"I don't want you to get hurt," he replies simply. "I hate this hospital, let's never come back."

"Deal." Zayn lets his eyes slip closed, wrapped up in Niall's warm embrace threatening to put him to sleep. 

"Will you stay with me?" Niall sighs. Zayn hums in response. "Just until you fall asleep, then I should probably get back to my bed. I don't think the nurses would like us sleeping together under their watch." Niall chuckles before falling silent again. It only takes a few minutes for Niall's breathing to even out, but Zayn doesn't leave his side quite yet. He's not ready to let Niall go yet, he's too afraid that he'll wake up and this beautiful boy will be gone, vanished from his life. Niall seems to fill in the empty pieces of Zayn's life, and he'll do anything to be the same for Niall, to always make him belong somewhere.

*****

_Six months later_

_  
_Zayn wakes to a familiar weight curled up in his embrace, blonde wisps of hair tickling his nose, every part of him that isn't touching Niall feeling cold. He pulls up one of Niall's many blankets so it's covering him and Niall, locking in their body heat from escaping into Niall's drafy dorm room. His feet are freezing, so he presses his toes to Niall's calves, the action making the smaller boy stir and turn in Zayn's embrace. Zayn grins as he watches Niall sleep, his love for the boy growing even more as he takes in Niall's angelic sleeping form. Gently he lifts Niall's hand, bringing the inside of his wrist up to his lips, letting his touch roam over the faint scars there. He knows that this reminder will always exist on Niall's skin, a reminder of how fragile Niall is, how much Zayn has to protect.

Niall's eyes flutter open a moment later, his gaze drifting down to Zayn's grip on his wrist. He pries his hand free, tucking it under the blanket and stroking his fingertips over Zayn's chest. He doesn't particularly like it when Zayn gives his scars attention.

"Good morning," Zayn whispers, pressing a kiss to the corner of Niall's lips.

"Morning. I still can't believe you're here," Niall grins. Zayn chuckles in agreement.

"Well when you tell me your roommate is out of the room for three days you better expect me to drop everything and come running," Zayn shrugs. "What kind of boyfriend would I be if I wasn't?" Niall hums and nuzzles his nose into Zayn's neck.

"This reminds me of the bed we shared in the hospital," Zayn murmurs. "But so much better."

"Because we're naked?" Niall asks, giggling.

"Definitely because we're naked," Zayn nods. His hand runs up and down Niall's spine, memorizing each bump and curve of Niall.

"I have class in twenty minutes," Niall groans.

"You're not really going to go to that, are you?" Zayn asks. 

"No way," Niall scoffs. "My boyfriend is in town and naked in my bed, I'm not going anywhere." 

"I'm a bad influence on you," Zayn murmurs into Niall's hair, pressing kisses to his head. Niall tilts his chin up and presses their lips together in a blissfully slow kiss. When they pull apart Zayn feels almost lightheaded, consumed with everything that is Niall.

"I think you're a good influence," Niall mumbles against his lips. "Think about where I was half a year ago. You changed everything for me, you gave me so much. I have my family back, I have Louis and Liam and Harry now and school to care about, and most importantly I have you. No matter how much of a tough guy you pretend to be you won't fool anyone." Niall chuckles and presses his lips to Zayn's, silencing whatever argument Zayn was working on, along with the "I love you" that Zayn is working on saying. It'll slip out soon enough, he's sure of it. Whether it's later that morning while they're still in bed, or next week when the two are exchanging Chritmas gifts, or maybe it'll be sometime when they're in the car or in the middle of a fight or maybe it'll be this moment right now. All that matters is that wherever it happens, they'll be together, right where they belong.

 


End file.
